3 Tests for Relationships


1. The Test of the Present (a test for finishedness)

"As I look at it now, is this relationship over and done with?"


If "Yes," then YES, it’s finished. (2/4)
If "No," then NO, it’s not finished. (1/3)
If "I don’t know," then NO, it’s not finished. (1/3)


 2. The Test of the Past (a test for completion)


"If I had a magic wand, and if by waving that wand I could make absolutely any changes whatsoever – in the other person, in myself, or in our relationship – would I wave the wand?"


If "I don’t know," then NO, it’s not complete. (3/4)
If "Yes," (RC) then NO, it’s not complete. (3/4)
If "No," (RC) then go on to the next test.


 3. The Test of the Future (another test for completion)


"Is there anything the other person could do in the future, or is there anything that could happen in the future – no matter how unlikely it may seem to me now – which would, in and of itself, alter my experience of the relationship for better or for worse?"


If "I don’t know," then NO, it’s not complete. (3/4)
If "Yes," (RC) then NO, it’s not complete. (3/4)
If "No," (RC) then YES, it’s complete. (1/2)


 
(NOTE: RC = Reality Check. "Yes" RC = provide a specific example. "No" RC = examine extremes.)

 

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