The ABC's of Murder

A is for ALIBI: If you have got one,

The chair that you sit on will not be a hot one.

B is for BLOOD: When it flows in a flood,

If it gets on your garments, your name will be mud.

C is for COP and for CRIMINAL, too:

The former is after the latter. (That's you!)

D: When the cops came, his lack of survival

Was why it was said he was DEAD ON ARRIVAL.

E is ELECTRIC BILL: If you're not careful,

San Quentin's may soon include one extra chairful.

F is for FINGERPRINTS: It can be awful

To leave them about when you're being unlawful.

G is for GUN: It requires a bullet.

Also a trigger and someone to pull it.

H is for HOMICIDE SQUAD: They decide

Why the killer has killed and the dier has died .

I is INHERIT: If papa is wealthy,

Take steps to ensure that he doesn't stay healthy.

J is for JUDGE: He determines your sentence,

Which could be a light one if you show repentance.

K is for KNIFE: Whether kitchen or dagger,

It's one way to silence her if you can't gag her .

L is for LAWYER: Be sure to engage one,

Or your execution might dominate Page One.

M is for MOTIVE: The reason you did it.

Whatever you do, you must never admit it.

N is for NOOSE: If you're caught by a 'tec,

Then the gallows may give you a pain in the neck.

O is for OVERKILL: Shoot them and strangle them,

Grab them and stab them and rope them and dangle them.

P is for POISON: Most any old sort is

Sufficiently strong to produce rigor mortis.

Q is for QUAKE and for QUIVER: The best you

Can do when the cops come around to arrest you .

R is for RAZOR: His ultimate breath

Has been drawn. You have served him a real "slice of death."

S is for STIR: If you must spend a while in it,

Pray for a cake with a saw or a file in it.

T is for TONTINE: Survivor takes all.

Summer, winter, or spring, someone's set for a fall.

U: If a man is in bed with your wife,

Then the UNWRITTEN LAW says you may take his life.

V is for VICTIM: A logical dictum

Says, "How can you kill one before you have picked him?"

W: WHO, WHAT and WHERE, WHY and WHEN:

If you won't answer, they'll grill you again.

X is for EX-, which, I think you'll agree,

Is the thing, once you've killed them, your victims will be.

Y is for YELLING: Their screams you are quelling,

Which leaves you quite safe — after death there's no telling.

And Z is for ZERO: The populace left.

You have bumped them all off, you're completely bereft.

You're alone in the world. All the others have died.

You're the killer supreme!

So what's left?

Suicide!

 

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